Sir Fred Goodwinge

I like to think of myself. And when I do, I am firmly of the opinion that I am sleek, moody and magnificent.

From my earliest days I stood head and shoulders above my fellow pupils. I never thought of them as friends – one of the curses of public education is that there is no fagging system. I have fond dreams of shouting ‘fag – make me some toast, at the double’, but, sadly they are only dreams not memories. I prefer to give the impression that my background is from the landed gentry. A fondness for storing up and counting my pocket money made the choice of career an easy one: I was a natural banker.

It grieves me to relate that I began as clerk. Within a week, however, I was moved into the foreign exchange department, and began in earnest. One of my best moves was persuading some local farmers that they would be wise to take out a loan denominated in yen, for which the interest rate was very low. Unfortunately the yen shot up and they went down. We foreclosed on the assets, livestock and all and, as things worked out, made a killing. I was on my way.

Over the years my bonuses rose and when Lawnder Hall came on the market I snapped it up, and shortly after joined the ranks of the idle rich.

I like, amongst other things: Banker’s Delight – my favourite tipple, Bobsleighing, Deerstalking, the odd evening with a spirited filly, and being called ‘Sir’

And am averse to: Reading, Charity shops, Academics